It is a typical night in Carrie's empty life. She spends the evening alone, as usual, watching some silly shows on television that really are a waste of her time. She wonders why so few shows are done well anymore? But still, it's a way to fill her evening. The sound from the speakers a welcome noise in her too silent home. It's been that way ever since Adam died, a little less than a year ago now.
She looks down at her hand, at the beautiful gold and diamond wedding band that she still wears. The small channel set diamonds twinkling as the light from the lamp hits them. She remembers how ecstatic she had felt the day Adam had slipped the ring on her finger. In front of all their family and friends, they had become husband and wife almost ten years ago. It had been the happiest day of her life. It had felt like a dream come true.
But earlier this year a drunk driver had turned her dream into a nightmare. One that she can't escape. She remembered the moment with crystal clear clarity. Two officers had shown up at her door. One was an older male, and the other a woman who looked like she was fresh out of the academy. Both had grim looks on their faces. Carrie knew they were bringing bad news, it isn't every day that the police showed up at your door after all.
At first her mind couldn't process what the grizzled officer was telling her. When the information finally soaked in she wailed, she would have collapsed if the policewoman hadn't grabbed her as she started to sway. The woman held her as she cried. It had felt like her heart was exploding into a million pieces, never to be made whole again.
When Carrie finally composed herself slightly, the officers gave her the information on where to go to identify the body of her husband, and looking at the emotional state she was in, suggested that she get a family member or friend to drive her and be there with her for support.
Those next few days were a nightmare for her. She felt numb, moving through them like a zombie, her body there, but her mind not functioning the same. She kept hoping that she would wake up and it would have just been a bad dream and Adam would be laying there in bed beside her. But it wasn't a dream. This is her life now, widowed and alone at thirty five, the prime of her life. But to her it feels like her life is over, stolen from her.
Carrie still loves Adam with a fierceness that at times takes her breath away. And she misses him so much that it's a physical ache, especially this time of year. Halloween was Adam's second favorite holiday, Christmas of course being his first.
She remembers how they spent this night exactly one year ago. It had been unseasonably warm for the end of October, perfect weather to be outside, so they had gone to a Halloween Festival at the local fairgrounds. It was free admission for anyone that went in costume. They had gone as Charlie Brown and Lucy, having still had the costumes from a party they had attended a few years back.
It had been so much fun! They had walked the main drag looking at all the spooky Halloween decorations. They had watched a demonstration of a master pumpkin carver turning this huge pumpkin into a work of art. It was amazing to see!
Adam had even won her a huge teddy bear at the ring toss, just one of the many carnival games that they had played. That big red bear holding the I Love You heart still sits on her dresser to this day. The delicious smells as they walked around were a temptation they couldn't resist. They filled their bellies with corn on the cob, funnel cakes, ice cream, both being stuffed by the time they were done. And of course, none but the corn being healthy.
They had walked the fairgrounds holding hands like teenagers on a date. Carrie had always loved the feel of Adam's big hand engulfing her smaller one, fingers interlaced. Something about it gave her a loved and cherished feeling. She would give anything she owned to feel her hand in his again.
Adam had uncharacteristically allowed himself to be talked into going on some of the rides, telling Carrie she would owe him one and laughing. So they rode her favorites, The Tilt-O-Whirl and The Octopus, and judging by his yells and laughter he enjoyed it just as much as she did.
She even convinced him to ride the Ferris Wheel. He kissed her to take his mind off of his fear of heights. His tongue stroking against hers took her higher than any ride ever could. He sneaked his hands under her blouse when they were stopped at the top, squeezing and caressing her breasts. And just like when they were teenagers, they tried to look innocent as they got closer to the ground. This was a family event after all. But each time they climbed out of view, their lips would find each other for a passionate kiss. Both of them were a little breathless and flushed by the time the ride ended. It had been a magical night that made them feel like young lovers again.
On the ride home Carrie couldn't resist, she'd started stroking Adam's cock through his pants. Her fingers had rapidly turned his dick into a hard, straining beast wanting to break through the fabric restraints surrounding it. And while she could have unzipped his pants and taken things further, she had chosen not to. Instead she had teased him the whole way home. Her fleeting touches kept him straining against his zipper.
When they arrived at their house, he opened her door for her as usual and took her hand to help her out of the car. But unlike he usually did, he didn't let go, instead he pulled her up against his body, pushing her backwards, he pinned her to the car and started kissing her passionately, his hands running through her hair as his mouth devoured hers. The heat of his kiss made her knees weak. She could feel his erection, hot and pulsating pressing between her legs.
Finally making it to the house after many pauses for kissing and gropes to each others bodies, they barely had the door closed before heading for the bedroom, a trail of clothes left in their wake. Their hands and mouths greedy for each other, their lovemaking that night had been wild and frenzied. Their sex life had always been incredible, but that night they had reached new erotic heights. Carrie had blushed for days every time she thought about it, and Adam had teased her mercilessly for it.
A particularly loud commercial on the television brought her out of her trance and she was back in her empty house, Adam just a memory now, instead of in her arms where he belonged. And for just a split second she expects to hear his voice, which she had always loved. Then she comes completely to the here and now and the realization that she will never hear his voice again is a crushing blow. Remembering their life together is always so bittersweet.
Her heart aching, Carrie decides to go to bed. She runs quickly through her nighttime ritual, then puts Adam's flannel shirt, that she wears as a pajama top on, and spritzes it with his cologne, then she dons her long john bottoms. She never used to need pajamas, as his body was always so warm she would tease him that he was her heater, but of course things are different now. She looks over at their wedding picture on her bedside table, picks it up and places a kiss on his lips.
"I love you Adam. Why did you have to go when I need you so badly here?"
Carrie put the picture back in it's place, angled so it is the first thing she looks at when she opens her eyes. She grabs the pillow that she holds while she sleeps, it runs from her head all the way down to her shin. Her therapist had suggested it when she had let it slip that she was having problems sleeping without Adam there to hold. Of course it isn't him, but does give her something to hold and sprayed with his cologne she can pretend it is his chest that her head is laying on.
One of her friends when she found out about this made the mistake of saying it was kind of pathetic. Carrie had told her it was easy for her to say that. After all, she still had her husband to hold in her arms, so she just couldn't understand. That had ended their friendship and she never spoke to her again. Who cares what she needs to do to keep her sanity, as long as she keeps it right? That was her opinion at least, and she no longer cared what anyone else thought.
She finally drifted off to sleep, soothed by the scent of Adam's cologne, her head on his shoulder (her pillow), the fabric wet from her tears.
Some hours later she has the most wonderful, erotic dream. His arm is around her and she is snuggled up against his body, the length of his erection pressing against her ass. He's kissing the back of her neck as his hands caress her breasts, fingers pinching her hard nipples. Her body is on fire and she's pushing back against him, moaning.
She starts to awaken, pulled from sleep by who knows what. But as she comes to consciousness she realizes that she feels a hot, hard body pressed against her, and it's not just any body. She knows the feel and scent of him. How could she not? It's all she has been craving for the last year, to feel his arms around her again.