A husband, lover, and friend
I can be any of those and a combination of all if necessary. I didn't add brother and father. I've been a brother all my life but only once a husband and never a father! Would have loved to be a father but that didn't happen.

My ex and her husband dropped by yesterday to help me fill out some forms for disability from the VA. In case you don't know I'm an alcoholic which started in 1970 due to the stress of my work in the navy. Dealing with the Vietnam conflict and monitoring the Soviets and Cubans on a 24/7 basis while working rotating shifts does mount pressure on a person. Alcohol was my relief drug. Yes, alcohol is a drug! I later used pot to help give me some relief and comfort.

As I told before, my BFF died May 26th in 1989 and I spiraled into the depths of hell with abuse of alcohol. It took me 5 years before I was able to go into rehab and accept the fact that she was no longer alive. I finally got sober and made my final good-byes. I haven't been to her gravesite since I wrote her a letter telling her how much she had meant to me and what an influence she had been in my life.

As I think back, it's a good thing (I guess) that although we did sleep together many times and we did pet each other feverishly in bed that if we had actually had intercourse we'd probably gotten married. It was hard enough to lose her as my friend but to have lost her as a wife is unimagineable. I knew she caught that disease at work and I would have taken revenge on that place and made this state uninhabitable for centuries.

I had access to the bomb grade uraninum by myself. Fortunately the rules were changed that no one person could be in an area where the material was located. There had to be at least 2 people to enter those areas. I've been exposed to enriched uraninum, asbestos, mercury, and god only knows what else. A lot of people I had worked with have died from cancer. So far I haven't had any symtoms of this dreaded disease.

I watched my dad dwindle down from Hodgkin's disease as it is dominant in our family. He's the only person that I've ever seen die in real time! It was horrible to see his heart stop beating and to catch his last breath.

My ex informed me last night that she would come over today without her husband to finally get me to fuck her again. She's been after me for 38 years now to do this so she finally gets her wish. I love her but I'm not in love with her. We just can't live together!
I'll write about our experience later.
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