just in case ya missed it last year, ya bunch of pagan squints!
As you read this, read it with a brough.
A beautiful young Irish woman enters her parish church to go to confession. She waits patiently on a short line for her turn. When it is her turn she pulls the curtain aside and enters the confessional. She kneels down in front of Father Lonagan and says:
Bless me father for I have sinned, It's been tree weeks since me last confession. Father, I had sex with me boyfiend eight times last night. And Father, I enjoyed every minute of it!
Father Lonagan says:
Ah Mary Kate, tis a sinful woman ya are! For penance, you're to go home and cut seven lemons in half, squeeze them into a glass and drink them straight down.
Mary Kate says:
O my God Father! What the hell will that do for me?
Father Lonagan says:
Well for starters, Mary Kate, .....It'll take that fooking smile of your face!
The IRS calls a parish priest in Boston.
"Hello?" The preist says.
"Father Mulcahy?" Says the voice on the phone.
"It is!" The priest replies?
"Father, my name is Agent Ralph Jones, I'm with the IRS, Is Joeydonuts a member of your parish?"
"He is!" The priest replies.
"Father? Does he attend mass every week?" The agent asks.
"He does!" The little white haired priest answers.
"Father? Did he contribute ten thousand dollars to your church last year?" The agent asks with his voice losing all it's humor.
"He will!" Father Mulcahy answers and hangs up.
As Mary walked out of mass on sunday, she's greeted by Father O'Mally.
"Mornin to ya Mary! And where might your husband Sean be, good man that he is?"
"Oh Father," Mary answers, "Sean passed away the night before last."
"Oh God Mary! How is it that I didn't know that? Did he have any last words?"
"Aye Father he did. He said 'Mary please, put down the fuckin gun!"
Last one, I promise.
O'Toole and Flaherty were walkin' in Yellowstone National Park. They round a curve in the trail and are face to face with the biggest grizzly bear either one of them has ever seen.
O'Toole sits down immediately and starts taking his boots off.
"O'Toole!" screams Flaherty. "And what is it ya think ya dooin now?"
"Well i'm takin' me boots off, because i can run faster in me bare feet!" O'Toole answers with not a hint of fear in his voice.
"Surely ya don't think you can out run that bear ya stupid squint!" Flaherty says to him.
"Well Flaherty? No, I don't think i can out run that bear, but I know without me boots on, I can out run the likes of you!"
Happy St. Paddy's Day to all! "Erin go Braugh!"