CALLS FOR SEX: MY NEIGHBOR'S NAUGHTY HABITS 2
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Dear Friend and Therapist: My latest text message read,
"HI BABY! WE'RE NAUGHTY BLONDS IN BOOTY SHORTS. OUR HOT HUNGRY LIPS ARE DRIPPING WET AND PURRING FOR YOUR KISS! 2 MINS FREE CALL XXX-469-XXXX."
Damn, I wish that text had come in late last night. Still in the light of day it made me wonder. Who exactly are the hot blonds? Male, female, one of each, a group--swinger's looking to connect?
Hey, it could even be a joke from one of my relatives for all I know. Wondered too, if it was my new neighbor. I told you about him. He's the one who triggers me when he slides open his SUV door. The one I think is spying on me when I masturbate.
Anyway, I saw him for the first time yesterday. Not clearly, but enough to see he was blond, young and sexy. A Swedish
Ski Instructor would be my guess. Maybe his friends are too.
It continued to bug me. Whoever it was, how did they get my cottage phone number? Nobody had it except one summer resident who I doubt would leave a message like that.
His son? Well that would be a different matter. The son is hot and ready to fuck. I could tell that last summer when he worked for me. He kept leaning over the hedge to ask dumb questions--couldn't keep his eyes off the girl who was babysitting.
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It's been over a week now since I became aware of my new neighbor--his possible voyeurism's. Usually everyone's gone come winter. But not this guy. At first he seemed like an unwelcome intrusion on my winter solitude; now I would miss him if he left.
Since l wrote you last, two cars are showing up in the driveway. Also, I do not smell the pot like I did or hear the door sliding as often. .
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The last time I wrote you I mentioned I might put a sign in the window--one he had to walk past.
I still have not been brave enough to do that. Do you think I should? No one would be able to see it but him.
But would he get it? Catch on I'm trying to hit on him?
I'm thinking It would have to be vague, something with a double meaning....
Mmmm. What about "Handyman wanted. Must be available to work late at night for short periods of time. 698-XXXX ?" Do you think he'd be smart enough to figure out that stands for "Sixty-Nine, You XXXX?"
That shouldn't cause any problems for anyone. With no area or country code given.... OPPS! Wrong again. Just rang it. Would you believe that even without an area code, it refers you to other numbers?
Dagny, for your on going research, check this out. Is F-U-C-K a multi-million-dollar word in sex marketing?
If advertisers could ever get over their hang-ups about the word, a charity or church could raise millions with a toll free number containing the word and in the process, eliminate the stigma it's always had.
Can you believe I'm even saying this after the conniption fit I used to have whenever I heard anyone say the word out loud; remember?
Btw, as a sex therapist, the word could do wonders for your practice. Think about it Dagny! You could help many. Eventually go worldwide, franchise your business, go public, and put it on the New York Stock Exchange.
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Well, I'm back. All day long I thought about sexy telephone numbers. I ended up experimenting with different phone numbers on my breaks. Here's one I found that I think could do the job, plant the thought in my neighbor's head: 468-482-3825 (HOT 4U2 FUCK). Btw, It's not a working number.
Maybe it would work, maybe not. Never did meet a man who was especially good at figuring out non-obvious clues when it comes to sex.
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LOL. WOW! WITHOUT EVEN LEAVING A CALL BACK NUMBER OR REACHING A VALID NUMBER, GUESS WHAT? I'VE GOT 2 NAUGHTY TEXT MESSAGES FROM AN EARLIER CALL:
FIRST ONE SAYS:
FROM : 818-999 ---- LET'S FUCK LIKE BUNNIES! $25.00 CREDIT ON YOUR FIRST CALL. CALL 800-999 ---- OR GO TO ----.COM
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SECOND ONE SAYS:
"I AM ALL ALONE AND LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TEXT WITH ME....FEEL LIKE KEEPING ME COMPANY? IF SO, REPLY WITH YOUR TEXT MESSAGE."
I would have never guessed you can now get sex delivered to your door step faster than a Domino's Pizza. I am tempted to follow up just to find out if they have AT LEAST ONE male operator, a straight one that cyber fucks women, but my guess is that they won't.
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My neighbor come home a few minutes ago. It's really weird. Some days he drives a car with a loud muffler and other days it's the big shot honking SUV. Maybe the SUV belongs to his boss and he and his friends work for the ski resorts. Then again, maybe the resort rents the cottage for all of them.
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There he goes, roaring out of his driveway. I'll bet he went to the grocery store. I must listen for his muffler. When he comes back I should try and get a closer look --size up my midnight marauder--find out whether his looks turn me on or not.
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Soooo horny, it must be around 3:00 or 4:00 AM. I can't get back to sleep with the hard on I have.
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It's 4:30 AM, a half hour ago I reached under the bed and hauled out "Old Faithful". I didn't need a lubricant. I was still soaking wet from the erotica I'd been reading before I fell asleep.
Feeling confident my neighbor was sound asleep, I went at it. I was freely moaning and groaning and soon became very vocal. You know me, I could not control myself and ended up yelling out all kinds of loud obscenities like,
"Oh, how I love to fuck, I love to fuck, yes, yes, OMG, Fuck
Me, Fuck me!!!!!!"
The usual stuff that comes pouring forth from my mouth in moments of pure ecstasy and ultimate rapture.
After cumming, I laid there all peaceful like--listening to my heart slow down, and guess what? I heard his sliding door!
What the hell would this guy be doing in freezing temperatures in his SUV with no heat and at 4:00 in the morning!
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To be continued: My Neighbor's Naughty Habits 3
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Babe
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