This is a conversation as recorded, secretly on my mobile phone, while sheltering from the rain. I was in full view of the two women, and my phone (and only my phone) was clearly in my hand.
1st- Have you ever heard the expression "sympathy s-e-x"
[she mouthed the letters, rather than pronounce the word]
2nd- What do you mean?
1st-You know, doing it because you feel sorry for them.
2nd-Oh, a sympathy-fuck! Of course.
[I think they could here her in the High Street]
1st-Sssssh! So you have, why would anyone . . .
2nd-Lots of reasons, because he failed his exams . . .
1st-What? No, why?
2nd-Blokes do it to get their stuff out of your flat, just before they dump you.
1st-What? Why?
2nd-So you don't shred their clothes, or trash their CDs.
1st-You're weird, no-one does that.
2nd-Course they do. Did you never fuck a guy because you knew he would never get lucky unless you did?
1st-Noooo!
[They heard this in the High Street too]
2nd-[laughing at her friend]
1st-You can't do that, its for when . . . did you?
2nd-Once, he was painfully shy and I thought I'd get him started.
1st-And did it?
2nd-I think so, he got a girl-friend after that.
1st-And did they . . .you know?
2nd-How the hell should I know, do you think I hung around taking pictures?
1st-Any more?
2nd-I said once, do you think I am some kind of Social Worker?
1st-Sorry, any other reasons?
2nd-When Tom didn't get his promotion, and when . . . hold on, do you want chapter and verse?
1st-I just meant when else? And does this happen a lot?
2nd-Where has this all come from, has Alan lost his job?
1st-No, he's fine. Its Becky . . .
2nd-Your Becky? Little skinny, Becky . . . what?
1st-She's no so skinny any more, she's filled out, a lot!
[She holds her hands in front of her own modest bust to illustrate]
2nd-And?
[Almost begging for more]
1st-You know she's been seeing Sam Baxter?
2nd-Still? It must be . . .
1st-Four years, seven months.
2nd-Where's this going?
1st-He didn't get the collage he wanted. I kept saying to them . . .
2nd-Never mind that, what's she done?
1st-Nothing! Well I over heard her telling her friend Sue York . . . You remember her she . . .
2nd-Please, spare me Sue York, what did she say?
1st-She said . . . she said . . . he, that's Sam Baxter was . . .
2nd-Well?
1st-So . . . so upset she gave him a Sympathy-Fuck!
2nd-Is that it? Good girl she knows which side her breads buttered.
1st-I didn't think they were doing that . . .
2nd-After four and a half years? What do you think they do, hold hands?
1st-No, but me and Alan didn't . . .
2nd-We know what you and Alan didn't . . . poor bugger.
1st-What do you mean? We do it, we really do.
2nd-All I'm saying is you kept him waiting, was it worth it?
1st-What worth it? We wanted to wait!
2nd-The wedding night, the first time? Was it the dream, well?
1st- He exploded before he could get it in. I had to change my good night-dress, I was drenched!
2nd-[her laughing could be heard in the next town]
1st-We had to wait 'til the next day.
2nd-[laughing now even louder]
1st-It wasn't funny, we were supposed to . . .
2nd-I know the whole thing, just like in the story-books.
1st-Yes, well anyway, what do I do about Becky?
2nd-Nothing, that train has long gone by the sound of it, and she knows . . .
1st-Knows what?
2nd-What she has to do . . . to get by.
1st-Get by what?
2nd-To get what she wants, what she needs . . .
1st-They're saving for their first proper . . .
2nd-Not that, from Sam, when he wont buy her whatever.
1st-She wouldn't do that, she's . . .
2nd-A young woman, and she knows . . .
[A note of almost cruel relish crept into her voice]
2nd-What she has to give to get her share. Of herself, special . . . treats.
1st-You think I don't do things, you think I'm . . .
2nd-I'll tell you what you do, or don't . . .
1st-What then?
2nd-You drive a Ford, right? And Alan's is a BMW . . .
1st-Yes but it's a . . .
2nd- Then you don't do it in the car, you don't swallow . . .
1st-You're disgusting . . .
2nd- . . . and you don't let him fuck your ass!
1st-[Speechless and greatly shocked, begins to move away]
2nd-Whereas I have a Bentley, and so will Becky, by the sound of things!
1st-[rushed off onto the still pouring rain]
2nd-I've hated that stuck-up bitch since school . . . victory at last.
[She spoke these words to no-one in particular, lit a cigarette, and smiled]
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Submitted by:
bix
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