Searching for the golden grail;
My story is a sorted little tale.
I came upon a different man one day;
Our chemistry so hot we just had to play.
We couldn't get enough of each other;
I thought finally I had found that special lover.
Constant contact all the month long;
When his girlfriend showed up, he sang a different song
All the sudden he felt he was slipping away;
I didn't understand, to me he seemed gay.
I am married so I didn't care if he was taken;
He'd be my bitch on the side, my passion he'd awaken.
The perfect gay jock just what I longed for;
But all the sudden he didn't have time for me anymore.
I was disappointed and dejected, I had become addicted;
I loved controlling his body in ways that were oh so wicked.
I tried everything I knew to make him feel good;
Even some things I knew that I really shouldn't.
He would come back and tease me with his words,
Over and over again "Always Yours" is what I heard.
After coming and going so many times it made my head spin;
I suspected deep in my heart there was no way I'd ever win.
But I just wouldn't let that spark of hope die;
Because it never felt the same with any other guy.
Then just after he said "I am looking forward to returning";
He totally disappeared, the reason I soon would be learning.
He said it was nothing I'd done, a new life he was starting;
Getting married and having a family was the reason he was departing.
I was so proud of him seemed his life finally had direction;
Even though all I could really feel was total dejection.
After caring about someone as deeply as I could;
Being offed with a Dear John letter didn't feel very good.
Time went past and I never spoke to him again;
Month after month I always had plenty of men.
But I never stopped thinking about him, that very special one;
I hoped that he was doing well and also the family he had begun.
Then one November day, it was a full year and a half later;
An email opened up the hole in my heart to the size of a crater.
It was his name staring me in the face;
He had come back to our usual place.
I made sure it was him then I poured out my heart;
Said I can't go on as before we have to make a new start.
He told me things with his girl just didn't work out;
I didn't ask why, I knew I could help him without a doubt.
I didn't ask for a lot of things, just please stay in touch;
So my mind is not twisted wondering about you so much.
I've never been so physically attracted to a man;
Giving him what I knew he needed, that was my plan.
I love his broad shoulders and the curve of his neck ;
His sexy little ass is the thing I love the best.
I gave him that feeling of sexual submission;
Keeping his kinky side satisfied was my ambition.
Soon enough things started happening the same;
I wondered was I crazy or was I to blame?
He gave me excuse after excuse why he was never around;
I figured he just wasn't that into me as he knows where I can be found.
Yet he said he was going to make himself more available to me;
So there I was once again just waiting around to see.
Then one day he said he was seeing a new girl;
I was happy, I don't want him alone in this world.
Days went by that turned into weeks, then over a month .
Don't even tell me you can't text me when you're on break for lunch.
I didn't hear a thing as the days went by;
I began to think his words were the same old lies.
I felt used and unappreciated, just totally neglected;
I didn't want to try anymore just to be rejected.
These painful feelings festered deep down inside;
I'd been an idiot again for believing all of his lines.
The realization came upon me like a load of bricks;
He didn't really want me I just fell for all of his tricks.
He only wanted a feeling I knew how to give;
He knew because I was crazy about him, I would always forgive.
Only on his terms though, only when he wanted it;
To having a real relationship he would never commit.
I couldn't take it anymore, feeling bad about myself all the time;
How could he say all those words again like his body was all mine?
That he was my slave now and he was going to make me proud;
But what was he doing disappearing again the only thing I don't allow.
Then one day my phone went off out of the clear blue;
There was a text from him only saying "How are you?"
The anger rose inside me I was livid and upset;
I replied "I am fine" the vaguest answer yet.
A taste of his own medicine is what I thought I'd give;
I knew that at that point in time there was no way I could forgive.
The day went on as usual I was preparing for a date;
We were having dinner with a hot swinger couple and I couldn't wait.
He was six foot seven and she was cute with a great rack;
Though twenty years our junior they wanted to get us in the sack.
She looked right into my eyes and said "I am bi are you?"
Said I was hotter than my pictures, I thought wow and said "thank you!"
I told her I had never been with a women but I'd love to try;
Then her sexy husband winked at me and grabbed my ass as we said goodbye.
Maybe it was all the wine at dinner I was kind of drunk;
Or the flirting filled with desire from that six foot seven hunk.
The anger deep inside me it started to rage;
I thought to myself right now it's time to turn the page.
I sent an email to him that man I'd always wanted the most;
I poured out all my hurt and anger in a large and severe dose.
I already knew how he would react before I hit the send;
That he really didn't give a crap about me and that would be the end.
I gave it serious thought then hit the button to send that mail;
I had to protect myself and end this torment without fail.
When you want someone so much that it drives you crazy;
You are completely tormented living only on a maybe.
I had finally accepted, from him, I will never get what I wanted;
Life is far too short and precious to only have my heart taunted.
Unrequited love is an illness just like cancer;
It eats away at your soul and there will never be an answer.
One thing he did for me, that to me was quite a surprise;
He made me appreciate so much more all my other guys.
Still lost and confused now there is a hole left in my heart;
But I guess that is much better than having it slowly torn apart.
I can't even begin to guess what goes through his mind;
He didn't get his way at last, I feel released from my confines.
How I wished that he could treat me like I really mattered;
I gave him every benefit of the doubt buy he only made me sadder.
I can't bear any longer that he doesn't feel the same;
I thought at least he'd value me instead of playing games.
How can you be intimate with someone when they don't want to be your friend?
I feel so sorry for him, his issues they seem to have no end.
Maybe I'm a fool but I really don't think it's his fault;
He has baggage from the past that is deeper than a vault.
No matter how severe I am I always leave a back door open;
I have a soft spot in my heart for him but he always leaves it broken.
This is where it stands now he won't hear from me;
The pet I wanted the most of all I have forever set free.