This is a rewrite, hope no one minds.
The Count! The Prince Of Darkness! Dracula!
His eyes weren't blood red, red, yes, but they seemed faded, no matter. She was a little surprised as she pulled his shirt off. Her hands didn't touch muscle, fingers, instead, trailed down soft flesh.
Well, he has to be old, right? He's still Dracula. Just the thought of him kissing down her naked body had her quivering with anticipation.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, your pussy taste's so good."
Is he kidding?
Not feeling comfortable calling him babe, she said, "uh...Mr. Dracula, that's my naval."
Dracula look up, squinting, "sorry my dear, not wearing my contacts. A taste of your blood would help, may I?"
Dracula wants to suck her blood?! She nearly came just from the thought of it. She couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends later. "By all means!"
He moved up her body, awkwardly, not smooth and with style like she saw in the movies. She heard a few pop's and cracks from his back. "MMMMMMMMM, going to feel that in the morning. Had a fight with a werewolf seventy years ago, back hasn't been right since."
Instead of searing pain as his teeth pierced her neck, the essence of her blood leaving her body, she felt a mouth slobbering on her ear lobe. "Mr. Dracula...are you ok?"
"i eeth ame ut!" (My teeth came out!)
"Ere, ook." (Here, look)
A full set of dentures, fangs included, sat in his hand, saliva dripping down in long runners.
"That is gross! Get those away from me!"
She slapped his hand, sending his store bought teeth flying.
"Easy ith he erchandise, hose are pensive." (Easy with the merchandise, those are expensive)
"I think I better go." Her feelings of hot bliss, to say the least was giving way to nausea.
"On't go! I'll ake it up to you. Ucking aste, uppose to ast welve ours." (Don't go! I'll make it up to you. Fucking paste is suppose to last twelve hours.)
"Really, maybe another time, Mr. Dracula."
"Wait, et a oad of his!" (Wait, get a load of this.)
His loose fitting tunic fell to the floor. She felt a tiny bit embarrassed for him. Instead of a long, hard, sexy cock, she saw a placid worm.
Dracula looked down.
"Ave ny iagra?" (Have any viagra?)
"O eed, I ead a ory on ome ine ite ive e a ec." (No need, I read a story on some nine site, give me a sec."
"Mr. Dracula, you just turned on the TV!"
"As ondering why I'm eeing lurry ages of onder oman." (Was wondering why I'm seeing blurry images of wonder woman)
She rolled her eyes, then saw the bed went down a little near her leg. A warm hand ran up her thigh as Dracula stumbled from the room. Knees popping, slamming into the door frame, mumbling something about might have one.
Dracula came back into the room sporting a huge hard on and a pair of woman's glasses. "Et he ucking egin." (Let the fucking begin.)
She indeed seemed ready. Her moans were deep, sensual, her hips rising and falling in a dreamy state.
Dracula pounced, sinking his cock into her wet, warm pussy. "Uh...Mr. Dracula..." She couldn't help laughing. "That's..."
"Ot oe ass, ells ood." (Not now lass, feels good)
Dracula's groan was hoarse, it made him cough. A pitiful squirt of cum flew into the air, moving down, sticking here, sliming there. "Ooh! Es! Eel ood!" (Ooh! Yes! Feel Good!)
"Mr. Dracula, you just came into the invisible man's mouth."