This is in response to Happily Ever After' by Trish.
I started to comment, and then realized my comment was going to be too long.
This is personal, although many of you already know much of this.
As with many of the people of this site, a number of years ago my sex life disappeared. I gave a lot of thought at that time about how to deal with that.
My wife is the sweetest, most lovable person I've ever known, so leaving her was not part of my consideration. I finally decided that I had already had my share of sex and concluded I could live without it. I put it out of my mind and got into other interests. I began to collect books, especially the classics, and reading them. I got into Orchids and Bonsai, with both success and failure. I got more heavily involved in wine and I expanded my circle of friends. I thought all of this was working but after about 3 years I decided it was not. So once again I began to evaluate the situation and once again decided that leaving my wife was not an option.
I realized though, that the need for sex is not mental, it is physiological, and so I could not just decide that I could do without it.
I eventually decided that I had made an honest and valid attempt that was failing, and in fact had failed. I realized my only recourse was to go outside the marriage, and I felt that it might even make my marriage more solid.
I know there are people on this site who have come to this same place, some open and willing, like me, and others who have already connected with one or more people.
I do not feel any guilt about this decision, and I have not detected any guilt in any of the others, except possibly Trish. I'm sure there are others who feel guilt at some level but have not expressed it. We all have to deal with our situation in a manner that works for us. Nobody can tell you how you should feel, any more than I could decide I don't need sex.
I know there are going to be some people on this site who are will roll their eyes when they read this, but I took Trish's question to heart and felt she deserved an honest response.
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Submitted by:
xbob
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