The shots rang out again over Bangdad. You were 21 minutes late on our usual skype call. I know that you can't tell me the particulars of the mission but I almost died when the first message came through and you said that you were alright. When I saw your face and that you were alright I almost died again.
As I sit here and type this out I have a hard time fighting back the tears. I was scared that you were gone and I would never know what happened, never hear you say that you loved me again.
I ask you how close you were to the fighting and you tell me it is far, but i can hear the battle clearly through my headphones. I can hear the planes flying over head, and you can see the fear on my face and in my eyes. Before you answer any more of my questions you ask me how are the kids and the rest of the family and then finally how I am doing. I hear you say ''Baby, i am here, Baby... I am with you. I don't have much time but i will spend every moment with you.'' Then the signal is lost.....
My heart screams and I remember that you told me that I have to be strong for our family and that you ARE coming home soon. My head is down and the tears puddle on my desk. Then I hear the familiar sound of a new message coming through, you tell me that the line got disconnected and the system was coming back online. You were not supposed to see combat, just technical computer stuff that is all and now I see you in fatigues and boots.
Frail and optimistic. Every nerve in my body screams your name. You will not give me your current location because you know that I will look it up on the internet and find out how much "fire" that area has taken. But I can hear it in the distance. Whistling, cutting the air, making contact, and then I can feel your shudder from the tremor.
You tell me to close my eyes, but I can't do that for the fear that it will be the last time that I see you. "it will be ok, just close your eyes. Remember when we first met and we talked for 6 hours straight and I said we better get married before we loose each other and you laughed, and said yes we should.'' Then there was a long silence because we were both serious. Then I told you that everything I do is for you. Remember?
I said, "yes" then I opened my eyes and there you were. Sitting there smiling at me. You tell me that each time my heart beats it is letting me know that YOU are here with me, no one else.
Days before you left we experienced things together that we could and can only experience together. Flowers bloomed in our names, colors more vibrant, the smell of all scents more pungent. Touch more stimulating and so real like our souls were touching and mingling. Looking into each others eyes and seeing more than each other. Feeling what the other felt before the emotion could be felt or even sensed. Not caring if the rest of the world was there only that we were together. Making love you to is like a whirlwind in a vacuum. Twisted and one falling together into heaven.
"Baby don't worry I know that you are here with me too..You wrap your arms around me and there I will be forever. I pray for you, us and me...and soon I will be there again but I am always in your heart and only I have the key. I love you baby..I will talk to you tomorrow...I am so sorry that I have to go...but remember I am always here for you and your happiness, I love with you all of my heart"
You are all of my happiness in the world. You are my angel, my guardian and my protector, you are my world, and this is why my heart sings your name.
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Submitted by:
feelme
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