Its hard on these streets for a super hero, yes I am Super Panty Man. I am ready, night and day, to protect our citizens from their own foolishness. From making choices that could reflect badly on them were they to be involved in an accident. Our medical facilities are full of staff ready to point the finger and snigger at casualties with substandard or, heaven forbid, no panties.
I have my "panty-vision" to aid me in this most sensitive of tasks. It is like x-ray vision, but it is limited to seeing through clothing to underwear. I stand at a busy intersection, scanning the bodies of those waiting to cross, for illegal undergarments. Then I see what I don't want to see, a bare ass.
"Excuse me ma'am, I am Super Panty Man, I think we need to talk." I guide her away from the crowd to save her embarrassment. "I see you have come out on this cold day without panties, you know this is a violation of the city codes. You are in danger of contracting Chilly Pussy Syndrome, and you know what that means."
"I'm sorry Super Panty Man, when I came out this morning I was wearing panties, honestly, but they came down. Sub-standard elastic probably, Its not my fault. I was just on my way to buy some more when you stopped me."
"A common problem in this modern world of cheep imports. I assume you can show me the offending article, you have kept the evidence so you can make a complaint." I suspected her of spinning me a line but I was willing to give her a chance.
"I lost them, they must have fallen somewhere. This is so embarrassing I can't think where they have got to. I am just on my way to buy some more, really Super panty Man."
"I'm sorry ma'am but I will have to write you a citation for the offence." You can understand how many times I have heard that excuse, we get hardened in the world of panties. "No panties, and leaving home with poorly maintained under-garments if you persist in attempting to weasel your war out of it."
"Okay, give me the ticket. Can you make it quick, its getting cold standing here." She held her hand out as I filled in her particulars, hoping to make me finish as soon as I could.
"I see you shave your pussy ma'am, this is not advised in this cold weather. It leaves you with no natural insulation. Might I suggest you go somewhere and give it a good rub to get it warmed up, you don't want CPS now do you? And buy some panties, I don't want to see your naked pussy again. Have a nice day."
"Yes Super Panty Man, I will buy some panties now, and give it a rub as soon as I get to work." She stepped away briskly, heels making that characteristic click click sound, she turned the corner and was gone. I returned to my duties, knowing I had saved another citizen from a chilled nether region.
A super hero's work is never done, just as I turn away I see something that makes my heart sink. Mismatched bra and panties, and both in a bad state of repair. Disappointed, I interview her about her misdemeanors.
"Are you aware that, should you be involved in an accident, the people attending will know that you wear: worn, faded panties, which have one of the little bows missing; and a bra of a completely different style in which the underwire is coming out, also the cups are too small. What have you got to say for yourself?"
"Oh Super Panty Man I'm so ashamed! My laundry is flooded and I am still waiting for the man to come and fix it, I had to borrow the bra from my sister. I have nothing clean left and I don't know what to do tomorrow."
"Well ma'am I must advise you that to come out tomorrow with no panties would be in contravention of city codes. You run a real risk of getting CPS, and in this weather rubbing may not be enough after lengthy exposure."
"CPS, I don't think I know what that is Super Panty Man." I could hardly believe my ears, could it be that she had no idea of the dangers she could be facing?
"Have you really not heard of Chilly Pussy Syndrome ma'am? When the daytime temperatures fall this low you may need assistance to get the circulation going again, doing it for yourself may not be enough."
"Assistance, from whom, and what do they do?" Where had she been, had she not seen my warnings on posters, or heard my radio show?
"In urgent, and extreme cases hot breath or actual mouth contact may be required. I do provide such a service where loved ones are not available for any reason." I wanted to reassure her that her health was in safe hands, mine.
"The material of these panties is quite thin, and my pussy is feeling a bit chilly Super Panty Man. Do you think I need this service now, just to be on the safe side?" Caution is a good thing in these cases, she seemed like a sensible woman so I escorted her to my ambulance.