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Vexed

I feel it creeping up on me; that addiction, someone set me free.

I believed it was gone forever; never to return all ties completely severed.

But in the back of my mind; somehow I knew he'd return in time.

I always want what I can't have; desires so strong they'll drive you mad.

I replaced that torturous desire; found someone else that makes me higher.

A lust for something that is real not fake; but feelings for him I can't seem to forsake.

His clever lies I know them all; it is the same rhetoric that caused my fall.

It is all for nothing what am I thinking; I feel like a ship going under and sinking.

The light of day is beyond my reach; I want to runaway and hide out at the beach.

Why does he bother to torment me; he can't stay away and just let things be.

He will never give me what I need; his modus operandi is to deceive.

But I see through all of his lies; with me he will never have any disguise.

He just refuses to submit; completely exhausts all of my wits.

Thoughts racing around in my brain so fast; He said "Always Yours" but that didn't last.

What is he doing back here again; can't he see I don't want to be friends.

He is my slave but he doesn't know his place; he makes me feel as a Mistress I am a disgrace.

So I released him so long ago; is he back because of the seeds I did sew?

Maybe it is an imposter not really him at all; that would be a relief he's never around for the long haul.

When times get tough he just takes a powder; when he left me behind I couldn't have been prouder.

He was supposed to start his brand new life; having a baby with his new wife.

A year and a half later he is lurking around again; email to me was the first thing he sent.

Was he just trying to make his presence known; is his submissive core tired of being alone?

He said he was going to leave it behind; the part of himself I considered mine.

Questions plague me I have so many; but answers are few he won't give me any.

Cryptic as always it drives me nuts; I want to trash his ass good that dirty little slut.

That spark of hope is nagging at me; to try again and see what will be.

A fruitless effort I know I would make; leaving him alone is what it's going to take.

Concentrate on the ones I already have; who take care of me and never treat me bad.

Who include me in their lives; no matter if they have a girlfriend or a wife.

The tight kind of sexual relationships I wanted; but thinking of him my mind is haunted.

Totally vexed are the feelings I have for him; love battling with hate with nowhere to begin.
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MistressB

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