Dagny received a call from John asking her to move to Kansas City to help him care for his mother Maggy who had at the most six months to live. He said he couldn't do it alone, and would she please come.
It meant leaving Boston at a time when she least wanted to be away from her work. Her office and
its adjoining living space was close to The Charles Hotel where it was convenient to have lunch with
her contacts at MIT, Tufts and Harvard. (1)
Being grounded in the center of what was happening in the business and technological world brought Dagny's life a sense of control. In Harvard Square her world consisted of tangible people and places ones she could touch rather than people in cyber space that were subject to disappear at any moment never to be seen or heard of again. At least in real life you got closure with a funeral.
**********************
Since the death of her own mother four months ago in Minneapolis. Dagny moved back to Boston and had just begun to retrench. She couldn't believe life was dealing her such a rotten hand and transporting her to a place she hated.
It didn't seem fair or just. The only thing pleasant to her about the prospect of moving to Kansas City was spending time at Hallmark's Crown Center, Grand Central Station, and the Branson Resort Area. Little did she know that one of her favorites would soon turn out to be ill fated.
The phone call from John was an unlike any she had ever received. For the first time in their marriage, her successful hard working husband needed something he could not buy or trust to an outsider. Mother Maggy needed Dagny's care but more importantly, John needed her.
*********************
Because Dagny had put her own life on hold for the past three years, she was reluctant to take on a similar responsibility.
John was asking her to jump back into a situation that brought back an overwhelming sense of grief. It was a painful reminder that now she was a motherless child a grown-up orphan who had failed to keep her own mother alive. Everyone said she did a wonderful job, but a voice inside her head kept saying:
"If you did such a wonderful job, why is your Mother dead?"
*****************************
Dagny knew in her heart there was no one better qualified to help John. Despite all the reasons against it, she told him she'd be glad to come.
Saying "no" was not an option.
************************
Because she'd been her own mother's primary care giver, the thought of taking on this job with her mother-in-law was daunting. Unlike her own mother, John's mother could be difficult. Dagny had often felt powerless in her presence. The woman knew her strengths and never hesitated to use them to get her way.
On the telephone her demanding voice made you want to run and hide.
Yet strangely enough, Dagny truly liked and admired this attractive and charming matriarch. For over seventy years Maggy had endured indignities that most young women today can't even fathom. Nevertheless, she was always the "queen mother" despite an occasional attempt to act humble.
***************
Driving 1500 miles cross country in a conversion van filled with stuff, was a terrifying prospect to Dagny. She was afraid of the interstate and being alone to fend for herself, yet at the same time she loved the adventure of it all and knew she was more than equipped to handle whatever life had in store for her.
***************
It was April tornado weather. Dagny was constantly ending up where a storm had just been or was going to be. The closer she got to Kansas City the safer she felt. Stopping for dinner in Iowa she called John to hook up before she hit heavy city traffic.
Knowing she still had plenty of daylight left, John agreed to meet at a McDonald's in a little town outside of K.C. The plan was to take all the back roads so she wouldn't get lost in the darkness and big city traffic.
Parking next to the Ronald McDonald statue, she saw John coming over to great her and met him half way to give him a big hug and kiss. It was a thrill to see him again after such a long separation.
In all the years they had been married they were not often in close physical proximity. To avoid the awkwardness of it, they would kid with their friends that this was the secret of their happy marriage. How could they explain it to others when they didn't even understand it themselves.
Anyone looking at this handsome happy couple would never guess hot romance was not a priority in their life. Trying to fix it seemed more risky than letting it be. Dagny's attitude was, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water" and "Always be grateful for what you have, it could be worse." Then too, she liked being number one. She never had to worry about John kicking her to the curb for a younger model. He just wasn't built like that.
Their marriage seemed odd to many people but gradually everyone had grown to accept their rather unorthodox life style. More importantly, they were sure no other mate on the face of this earth would be better for either one of them, then what they were for each other. They were not only deeply in love, they truly liked each other and got along great. His mind, face and body she never grew tired of admiring. They were honest like him.
******************
After taking all the back roads to the hospital in order to avoid city traffic, John and Dagny settled in for the night at the hospice suite. They held each other tight and soon drifted off to sleep. In about thirty minutes John shook Dagny gently asking her to leave, saying he couldn't go to sleep with her in bed with him.
Dagny hated times like this but she knew she had to put her own feelings aside and think of him and not herself.
After so many months of sleeping alone, it felt good to have a warm body next to her. It was hard to remove herself from his arms and leave even though she reminded herself that John never could sleep with her for very long.
Taking a blanket and pillow she went into the suite's living room and slept on the sofa. Knowing he was near and would spring into action if danger lurked was a secure feeling. It was like when you were a little kid could hide behind your mother's skirt when strangers approached.
Someone sleeping in the next room twice your size who would willingly die for you felt good.
*******************
During the days ahead Dagny ministered to her husband and his mother as well.
She reminded her mother-in-law of all the good she had done in her life. She repeatedly told her what a wonderful teacher, business woman, wife and mother she had always been and how everyone loved her so much. She told her too, that they all sent their best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Finally, she would repeat the names of dead relatives Maggy talked to each day hovering around the hospital bed. Sometimes she was not sure Maggy heard her, but then after eight days, she clutched Dagny's hand with a powerful grip and said:
"I TRIED....I DID ALL I COULD DO."
The nurses came in right at that time to turn her and change the bedding. Dagny walked into the hall and wept. To console herself she cried out:
"MOM, YOU DID JUST FINE!"
Tears turned to sobs as she began thinking of her own
life, of all of the times she too had "tried her best" and fallen short. She collapsed into an empty wheelchair sitting in the hall feeling the weight of the world upon her shoulders when a patient approached her saying:
"My wife has taken all my money and they won't let
me out of here. Will you please help me?"
Dagny put her arms around him saying everything
was okay while she continued to weep and wait
for a nurse to put him back in bed.
**********************
One night Dagny and John came down stairs to the main entrance. They had fallen in the habit of John getting his vehicle's air conditioning going while
Dagny went down the hall to check on Maggy.
Every night they left for dinner and would return later so John could go to bed in order to get up early
to sit with his mother. While he slept, Dagny covered the nights by spending time with Maggy, talking and giving her water by dipping a "mouth swab" into a
cup of water and then putting it on her lips.
This particular night as they got off the elevator,
Dagny was so busy talking she forgot about Mother and walked out of the hospital lobby arm and arm
with John. She caught herself in the parking lot and told him:
"Oh my gosh, I forgot about your mother!"
John stopped her from going back and said:
"She is okay, I was just down there and talked to the
nurse, they said her vital signs are actually better than yesterday. Let's go eat and then you can go down for your visit."
******************
At dinner they ordered their usual "Dinner For Two" a meal of fresh steamed vegetables, wild salmon and buffalo. Three-fourths of the way through eating, John's phone rang. It was the head nurse and she told John that his mother was dead.
Quickly paying their tab, they were back at the hospital within minutes. As they walked in the room Dagny gasped out loud at the sight of Mother Maggy propped up in bed as if she had just been put on display for public viewing.
John sat down next to his mother and held her still luke warm hand. As he looked at her face in disbelief, tears began to roll down his face. Then suddenly John took Dagny by the arm and roughly led her out of the room.
He was like a mad bull. Pissed at the doctor, the nurses, the hospital and life in general.
He lumbered on down the hall to a bathroom and left Dagny to work out the various details with the nursing staff and hospice coordinator.
The next day after picking out a casket, Dagny and went shopping to find youthful looking clothes and jewelry her stylish Mother-In-Law would have liked. Without a doubt, she knew Maggy would want to look beautiful in her casket.
Returning her purchases to the funeral home Dagny was happy when that the funeral director rejoiced with her over the lovely selection of clothes and jewelry she had found. He assured her he could use it all.
A day later he allowed Dagny to view Mother Maggy. She was certain no corpse had ever looked so good. The mortician loved his work and in her opinion was the best she'd ever met. Typical of her, she told him so in between tears of gratitude.
After a long afternoon they went to see the head deacon at the church to figure out the details of the service. Once all had been decided upon, the man told John that the church ladies wanted to put on a luncheon after the cemetery interment.
John bristled and told them:
"Absolutely not!"
He explained saying he wanted it all to be over with quickly.
Afterwords when they went to eat, Dagny worked on John to let the church women do the luncheon. She told him that Mother Maggy would have wanted it. Without saying a word John pulled out his cell and called the church back saying if the offer was still good, he would appreciate having the ladies prepare the luncheon.
Mother Maggy looked beautiful in her casket and the funeral was a fitting tribute to her life. Her church friends took turns standing up and saying meaningful things about her relating antidotes demonstrating how powerful and self-determined she always was and how she had helped them.
Dagny was the first one of the family to stand up and praise her mother-in-law. The others soon followed suit. If Maggy could observe it all, she surely felt proud and bragged about it all over heaven.
Happy it was a successful event, Dagny gave a big hug to the funeral director and every one else. She was physically and emotionally exhausted but relieved that her mission was accomplished and that she was
able to help another loved one experience "Dying Well". (4)
********************
The following weeks were spent in Branson where Dagny and John recovered at a resort on Table Rock Lake. They were both wore out and felt that a bit of R&R would do them good and that they could continue to work on their various business projects over the internet and by telephone.
After a few weeks John woke up with chills and flu like systems. He couldn't stop shaking even after taking a hot shower.
Dagny was convinced he had food poisoning but became concerned when John's symptoms worsened and his pulse rate seemed extraordinarily high. She called a physician friend of his and after describing John's symptoms was told by his friend to get him into emergency immediately.
Sitting on the emergency room table the doctors examined John when suddenly he went into atrial fibrillation.
Dagny seldom ever felt sorry for herself but she did at that moment; pent-up tears ran down her cheeks.
She said to the nurse in the hall:
"If he dies, I die too!"
She felt ashamed of thinking like this but the feeling engulfed her. She was scarred silly and couldn't
help it.
************************
John spent a week in the hospital and pretty much enjoyed his stay. However, he was back in the hospital within a week of when he had been released.
This time nothing went well. John was treated poorly by hospital staff who was afraid of getting what he had. Or so it seemed. For Dagny it was a living nightmare as her husband rarely appeared conscious of his surroundings.
It turned out that he had contracted a hospital super bug, Clostridium difficile, a gut bug known as C. diff. (5) He may have gotten it during his previous hospital stay, or from the hospice unit where his mother stayed.
When he was released six days later he was on heart medicine and various prescriptions. John and Dagny moved out of their cabin on the lake and into the City of Branson at a convenient hotel near the hospital.
Every once and awhile they would attempt to take in a major star studded show, but each time John's heart begin to race before the show ended and he could barely walk out of the theater.
It became a daily struggle nursing him back to health. Attempting to take care of business matters by phone and email out of a hotel room was hard on both of them and for the first time in their marriage they argued over little stuff. John blamed it on being cooped up in small quarters. Dagny saw if as a sign she needed to grow mentally and spiritually.
As a solution they both started wearing purple "Complaint Free World" bracelets which helped them focus on what was right with their life, rather than what was wrong. Things began to look up.
*********************
Three weeks later John woke up just before midnight saying again he was was chilled. Dagny thought they should go right into emergency but John yelled:
"I'm not going back to that fucking place! Climb in here and keep me warm. I am so cold!"
Dagny did what he said and face to face they rubbed each others bodies. Gradually he began to warm up. She was relieved to see he seemed much better and even sensed he was getting a hard on to match hers. Then with no warning he lay dead in her arms.
**************************
A year later Dagny was back in Boston and coping the best she could. It seemed that everywhere she went death and gloom followed her and was a painful reminder of all her recent losses. Even so, none were so traumatic as losing John. Even though they had been apart so much of the time, they were always there for each other at a moments notice.
Her best friend John had left her for good and for the first time in her life she felt truly alone. Empty.
**********************
Somehow she made it through to New Year's Eve. Dagny had planned to meet friends at the Charles Hotel in Harvard Square for dinner at the Regatta Bar and to enjoy the hotel's festivities.
She arrived early and sat near the lobby at "Henrietta's Table" having tea when the waiter asked her if it was okay for the man at the next table to join her.
He looked pleasant enough and she thought to herself oh what the hell and soon found herself having a wonderful conversation with a man she was sure she had met somewhere, sometime before.
Before too long he took her hand and said:
"You don't remember me do you?"
Dagny was at a loss and shook her head no.
He smiled and said:
"I will give you some clues. Let's see. How about
a cruise in Massachusetts Bay on a moon light night.
Does that ring a bell? No? Oh, this I know you will
recall. I spent the night with you in your room at the
Parker Hotel after the cruise."
Dagny gasped and said:
"Oh my gosh yes! You're an attorney, but for the
life of me I can't recall your name. Isn't that awful!"
They both began laughing and couldn't stop. People in the restaurant looked at them as if they were a couple of looney birds. Dagny stopped long enough to say:
"I remember that we stayed up so late talking that the subways had stopped running and there was no way for you to get home and then back again to your office downtown if you didn't stay with me. At least that was the story you gave me. By the way, what IS your name? Do you recall mine?
He couldn't stop chuckling as he replied:
"Of course! Your name is Dagny. My name is James Z. Ziebeckle. Most people call me Jamie. You called me Jamie when I kissed you goodbye in the morning. Do you remember now?"
Dagny was not a blusher but she felt her face grow hot and replied:
"Oh yes, I didn't want you to leave. Laying there besides you for hours and not doing anything about it I figured I should at least get a kiss before you left. I appreciated you being a gentleman. I have often thought of you over the years and respected you for that, I was such naive kid back then."
James smiled and said:
"Yes, in many ways the night remained etched in my mind also, and was even more special than if we had made mad passionate love. I have a feeling you and I have a lot to catch up on. Tell me about yourself and
I will tell you about me. Let's start with why you're sitting here alone on New Year's Eve."
****************************
Discovering they were both widowed and without a date, Dagny invited James to join her and her friends at the Regatta upstairs for dinner and dancing.
He gladly accepted and then added to the good news by saying he was a guest at the Charles Hotel for the next few days. Dagny then explained she wasn't staying at the hotel, but lived only a short distance away.
**************************
As planned he met Dagny in the lobby at eight with her friends and everyone hit it off immediately. At the stroke of midnight over looking a snow covered Harvard Square, Dagny and James welcomed the New Year in with a lingering kiss that lasted through the final strains of Auld Lang Syne.
Between dinner and dancing and all the festivities, the night turned out to be the best New Year's Eve that either Dagny or James could ever recall.
*************************
By 2AM Dagny and James were ready to call it a night but they still had much to talk about. Neither one of them wanted to say goodnight. It had been a long
time since they had such a good time where their spirits soared and their bodies had came alive.
All that dancing and the kiss at midnight clearly wetted their long suppressed romantic appetites .
Dagny was the first to speak:
"James I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Let me come up to your room and wind down. I need you to hold me for a while like you did long ago. I think you need that also from all you have told me tonight."
James smiled and nodded and said:
"Dagny, I would like that very much. Let's get some
snacks at the deli to take back up to the room. We can have an early morning breakfast if you don't kick me out in an hour or so."
************************
Up in the room they set the little conference table up with their bagels, creme cheese, fresh fruit and coffee while continuing to talk.
Dagny soon discovered the hardships that Jamie had
endured when his wife died. He confessed as Dagny did, that ever since being widowed there had been no romance whatsoever with anyone.
This revelation caused a great out pouring of emotion and they found that more than wanting to GET satisfaction they wanted to GIVE satisfaction to help each other feel good, to feel loved and wanted not only platonically but sexually as well.
So far their journey had been delightful and there had been scarcely a thought about destination. It was as if this unimaginable day had been put on automatic pilot with an undetermined arrival time. Now as their time together wound down, their bodies grew increasingly impatient.
Getting up from the table, they sat down on the edge of the bed and simply held each other close for a long time until James began nuzzling Dagny's neck which immediately caused her to breathe hard and horsely whisper:
"Jamie, I need you so badly."
With that they began caressing each other and wildly engaging their hands and tongues. Their bodies ached to be joined.
Realizing this Dagny bolted from the bed and playfully pulled James towards the bathroom saying:
"Let's go in the shower and tend to each other. I want to feel our bodies all hot and wet and soapy. We have both been cold far too long. Let me warm you and love you, kiss you all over."
As if in agreement, James scooped her up and took
her into the luxury bathroom where together they
adjusted the various giant shower heads while they laughed and nuzzled and soaped up.
He sat on the bench while Dagny stood. Parting her thighs with his head he kissed a path to where he so wanted to be while placing her hand around his throbbing erection.
Quickly catching on she placed the tip of his cock into her hot wet puffy pussy, while she pleaded with him:
"Take me tonight. You want me and I want you; take me! "
Now it was all about raw sex. She soon found herself nailed against the white marble wall with him behind her slipping and sliding in and out, pounding her
and fucking her in total delight while the shower heads rained down upon them washing all their cares away.
James called out to Dagny:
"OMG - this feels too good far to good. You know I can't last like this much longer."
With that he grabbed a towel and picking Dagny up he had her on the bed in a flash and under him sucking her hard erect nipples as she moaned.
Thrusting his rock hard cock between her huge tits as he squeezed them together he thrust into them over and over again as pulled on her nips. Her moans grew louder and the satisfaction of it catapulted him even higher as she dug into his back crying out:
"Oh my God never stop! Make love to me until I don't feel, until I'm numb. Until I don't hurt anymore!
Keep fucking me!
Yes. Oh yes. Like that.
Right there. OHHHHHH you feel so good!
OH YES! Oh baby! Yes!"
Paying little attention to her directions, he propped himself up on his arms as he pounded and drove his big steel hard shaft into her; he drilled steady and hard as the loose picture frame banged loudly against the wall to the beat of his thrusts.
To keep from coming he flipped Dagny over so she was straddling his hips. Looking down between their bodies and seeing his engorged rock-hard erection, he almost exploded as he pleaded with her:
"Take me now! Sit on it Babe!"
Dagny carefully slid him inside her, and his whole body came alive once more. Tight, wet, hot she fucked him moving up and down his shaft in a slow, pumping rhythm. He didn't last long. When he came he felt like he'd been catapulted into a burst of energy that created an aftershock shaking the entire hotel and all of Harvard Square below.
******************
Descending back to earth he whispered in Dagny's ear:
"You know what Babe. This is first time anyone has taken such care to pleasure me."
Dagny rolled over and kissed his neck. She then worked her lips up to his ear lobe and whispered:
"Oh Sweet Darling, I was about to say the same
thing to you. Thank you so much!"
*****************
Footnotes:
(1) The Charles Hotel - Cambridge, MA
Located in the heart of Harvard Square, just minutes from downtown Boston, Massachusetts, The Charles Hotel has become the home away from home for internationally renowned business leaders, government officials, entertainment executives and leisure travelers. A AAA Four Diamond Hotel, The Charles Hotel offers the finest, most distinctive guest accommodations in the Boston area with 294 spacious guest-rooms, including 45 suites that combine Shaker-inspired aesthetic with modern touches. Reflecting the eclecticism that is Cambridge, The Charles Hotel is a modern interpretation of New England hospitality with a thriving jazz club, the Regattabar, two signature restaurants and state of the art conference facilities. With an abundance of options, The Charles Hotel is recognized nationally for fine dining. Henrietta's Table serves award-winning New England classics using ingredients procured from local vendors and organic farmers for breakfast, lunch, supper and Saturday and Sunday brunch. Rialto offers Mediterranean fusion cuisine nightly and has been rated one of Gourmet's Top 60 Hotel Restaurants in the World. Noir, located in the hotel's lobby, is designed to reflect the intense, decadent atmosphere of 1940s nightlife and is a perfect spot to enjoy a classic cocktail. With flawless service, original accommodations and creative, award-winning cuisine, it is no wonder that the New England Travel Guide has designated The Charles Hotel as the best hotel to "stay put in" when visiting Boston, Massachusetts.
(2) Hallmark Crown Center - Kansas City, MO.
Located in the heart of downtown Kansas City, Crown Center is often called a city within a city. Three levels of great shopping and dining complement two of the city's most luxurious hotels, exquisite office buildings, a residential community and several entertainment attractions. It all surrounds the worldwide headquarters of Hallmark Cards, Inc.
(3) Grand Central Union Station: Constructed in 1914, the station was the third largest train hub in the country, right behind New York's Grand Central and Pennsylvania stations. Abandoned in 1980s the city ceased maintenance. Restoration began in 1994, and in 1999, the city celebrated its grand re-opening.
(4) "Dying Well" is a book written by M.D. Ira Byock
A book written by a past president of the American
Hospice Society - a road map for caretakers
after a patient has been accepted into a Hospice
Program. It was highly recommended by a mentor
who was the primary care taker for her husband.
(5) Super bug: C.diff is a potentially deadly intestinal germ increasingly found in hospitals is also showing up in a more unsavory setting: grocery store meats. More than 40 percent of packaged meats sampled from three Arizona chain stores tested positive for Clostridium difficile, a gut bug known as C. diff., according to newly complete analysis of 2006 data collected by a University of Arizona scientist. Take probiotics if on antibiotics? Check with health care practitioners. Chlorine Bleach is said by some to kill the germ, where disinfectants do not. The germ
can live on clothing for long periods of time.
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